♠ Mean Streak

I've got a mean streak of obstinancy.

Whenever I hear "No, honey.." or "No, babe.." I'd go "Just watch me..".

We all live by our own certain unmentioned rules, defined by us to suit our comfort, privacy and lifestyle.

I hate limitations or expectations. Whenever I feel a nagging feeling of either, I'd go and destroy both and set my own.

Like in programming, if nobody set any rules on what's the concept on how to do a particular thing, I'd set my own so I can learn and grow, instead of copy paste other ppl's code and reuse them and learn nothing. End result is the same, sometimes faster and better.

I live with boundaries of my belief, environment and decisions, there's lots of personal walls to break down. It doesnt help to have another person to tell me what I can or cannot do. I know what I can or cannot do.

Sometimes, enough is enough.

That's why I never tell people what's in my mind most of the time cos I know I will eat my words, my courage will fail me and I'll take the cowardice way out (And I would never contemplate suicide, I'm way far from taking that way out).

Which explains why for me, living with another person will kill that frail courage.

Imagine when I'm opting to do something which will take up a lot of my time and energy, and he/she goes "I think you should..", which makes me feel like I didnt think properly before I make that decision, makes me feel they assume too much of me, makes me feel inadequate to make a decision for myself. Know that feeling? The feeling they know me better than I do (This does not apply to my sisters, cos I'm older than they are, thus I'm entitled to tell them off).

All I need is a simple nod and a simple phrase "I support you all the way" will do, and stick with it. Not halfway thru the line and go "I told you so.." or "You didnt think it thru..", that just hurts.

Sigh, supporting somebody means helping them with whatever means to reach their goals, even if the supporter bitch a lot, the supporter will still go thru the length of helping them get there intact. Losing faith in the person in carrying out their initial plans is not supportive, but fatally insured to that person cos it made them lose faith in themselves.

Faith is a frail frail thing, which explains a lot of things which requires faith has a support group in it; AA, church, sports..you get my drift.

Supporting somebody in their dreams takes a lot of courage in keeping quiet and holding back own's opinions. Not a lot of dreams make sense, but it's all crucial in the way that person will live their life in the future; courageously independent and confident.