♠ Friday Morning

It's friday today, and everywhere in Asia where there's muslim community is celebrating the Haji.

Selamat Hari Haji to all my muslim friends. Rest well and have lotsa fun during this long weekend.

Now I'm typing from my bed. Brushed teeth and had my first cup of hot milo with marshmallows. Sweet.

Nat is off for swimming with friends. After watching 2012, we've made a pact to learn how to swim. I can float, she needs to catch up.

I woke up at 7am tis morning to the sound of bird chirping. There's no cock crowing in the city, thus we'll just make do with soft chirps.

Xmas is coming, same for my family. Holidaying in singapore, would be fun. Coincide with all the clearance sales and celebrations.

This month alone, there's 3 colls leaving the company. One is close with our team.

She leaves cos she wanna go home to her mum. Her mum came to sg for brain checkings, not sure bout the result, but dun think it was good news.

So, she mentioned she will go home for a few months then come back to sg again, cos the bf is here and she loves it here.

I was having lunch with her the other day, just chatting mostly bout what we want in life.

She chose IT cos her dad, I chose IT cos of my mum. If our decisions, she'd arrange flowers and I'd make clothes. We both kinda supported each of our choice.

When she goes home, she says her mum already enrolled her in flower arrangement classes. She said when she comes back, she'd like to make flower bouquet for me.

I'd love that.

We just laugh and chatted bout families over glasses of homemade ice lemon tea over lunch.

Last week when nat and I went swimming, we met up with her friend.

After the swim, we had dinner together. Mostly she blabs, and I got to know loads bout her family and her work.

Now I understand why nat prefer not going out with her, cos it's the first time I see nat quiet cos she didnt give nat much chance to speak. Haha..reminds me of the term "When a couple fights and the neighbour listens."

Her friend was vivacious, but for me, she hides a lot of insecurities and worries.

Most chatters have that side. She tried taking her life once, thus I was curious to know how she feels bout it.

She said sometimes, when she was really down and depress, she likes to laugh it off and treats everything as if it's fine. And that kinda makes it worse.

She said it's better to talk bout things. So I guess, she knows now how to handle those problems.

She still has hints of those, but she's making her life better for herself, and her family.

I guess human is like that; everywhere we see ppl wearing masks of their own doing, but the vulnerabilities remain.

I read from a blog the other day, a korean supermodel commit suicide due to reasons only known to herself. She was successful young, thus she never lived a normal life and wishes to be normal, but her fame and lifestyle impedes her wishes.

Sometimes, ppl do overwhelm themselves. Like fame and sudden success, it makes the transition a bit hard to tolerate and things just doesnt make sense anymore.

I guess to help those ppl is to listen, really listen. And just be there.

Anyway, been just lazy these few weeks. Work requires me to learn new things everyday, especially things that doesnt interest me or makes sense. But I just gotta find other experience to link them to make sense to me.

I guess after working a while doing things that profounds me at times, I've learnt a neat trick or two.

If I have a problem learning, I'd just pretend I've already learnt it. I'd imagine I was 2 or 6 months ahead, and everything I learn now I'd have mastered that time. That makes the learning easier and I do not panic as much.

Breathing technique helps, cos if I feel like the moment is suffocating me, I'd close my mouth with my hand and take limited breath each time. It controls the overwhelming feeling in my mind and I work better after that.

Until today, I do not think my family really knows what I do, everytime I tell ppl at home what's my job it's always "IT" or "Computer". Ppl accept it point blank.

I guess to explain in my words, my job is learning languages and implementing them. And no, it's not a speaking language, but web language; HTML, ASP, Javascript, sql etc. I talk to browsers and teach them how to react back specifically.

I use more of my left brain than right, which is profounding cos I'd never in my life thought I'd end up doing something logical and not abstract. But the job teaches me how to be focused and get what I want cos there's always a standard to follow, just different approaches to use.

I was chatting with mum the other day, she was mentioning something bout how us kids leave the nest cos of her bla bla bla.

I told her the person telling her all that, is insecure. Plus, she must've heard so many reasons related to her one way or another which is esteem blowing, but she'd lived thru all them. So, why bother listening so much.

Human are weird, if they live together for too long, they know each others weaknesses and all those tiny little things. And at times, they just shoot darts at each other, drawing blood.

I've learnt one thing in my life is that all these, are normal. There's no relationships where both parties are living in some sort of castle in the cloud everyday drinking tea or whatnots and not quarrel at all.

Ppl fight all the time cos we are all built differently. The new generation will make out after each fights, the older generation will cook for one another or say sorry..but after a time, the cycle continues and repeats itself.

Btw, these are normal only if it's just words, if hands and feet starts to fly, get out of it immediately. Bruises and broken bones just aint worth it. So's the notion of committing suicide; life is about choice.

Choice, why do some ppl think they do not have it? What makes them so desperate to think that their life is choiceless?

If you dont have a choice, open up your eyes; the world is not just about you. If you cant see the person standing next to you, then go and seek some help. Cos there's no one who can be your best friend, if your dont speak up or love yourself.

Choice; make it or live it.