I dont usually have a rough day. So, I was hoping for a good listening ear which will provide un-bias opinions.
Or when somebody speaks to me; I wont get the feeling that the world is against me or people has bad intentions all the time.
I dont get that a lot. So I got to stop thinking, which might translate into depression coz I'm separating that negative thoughts from my-self.
I dont know, but dinner tonight makes me feel worse bout today.
Coz I feel like I want ppl around me to think more of others, to think of other ppl's feelings or their way of thinking when providing opinions. Not feed them with ideas that contradict with their belief or personality.
I want ppl around me to think better of other ppl, the first thought is not negative thoughts, coz I really hate that.
I got a coll who said nothing but negative things everytime things happen. That the world is against them, think of office politic of how to get back at ppl, dont care bout learning more of the business curve coz want less responsibility and it's not their job description; somebody else can always do the helpdesk.
I dont subscribe to that thought. Some ppl gets better when they think the world is against them. I get depress and try to think of ways to behave nonchalantly, unbiasly, professionally coz it's the right thing to do as an adult.
Coz if I do things right by my standards; I dont need to apologize to myself. I can look at myself in the eye and said, "Good job", even if it means being nice to ppl who dont treat me well coz I have nothing against them.
I'm no saint, I just think being an adult means a certain way of thinking selflessly, unconditionally, kindly. Coz I dont need to be a mother to think of other ppl, I dont need to have a boyfriend to think of other ppl's feelings, I dont need to be an asshole just coz some asshole tripped on my toes painfully in the mrt without apologizing even if they did look back at my feet after they did that and just walk away. I dont need to behave badly, like I'm a petty bastard or as if I'm still a kid or pampered or a dictator or as if the world owes me something.
I dont need to contribute to the road rage, the green house effect, the bad morning attitude or an asshole. I dont.
I need a different group of friends where I can find dependability and selfless thoughts, or at least ppl who thinks positively coz I really want to think like that all the time. It's so easy to be negative, to slum, to depress, to be blue, to feel sorry of myself and to think that I so undeserving of things or affections; it's too easy to drown in my own self pity.
Which is why I understand that if I dont love myself, dont respect myself first; nobody else will. That I need to pick myself up, to immerse myself in good happy thoughts or submerge myself amongst positive thinking ppl or do things that makes me happy.
I need to stop wishing for things to change, coz I understand they wont. So; I'll change, till one day when I cant anymore. But I'll keep on digging to fit myself to other ppl, even if their belief and personalities differ so much from mine; coz I love them, and I make effort to understand their quirks and know their boundaries and try to avoid those boundaries coz I know they cant change; so I must. And no; I'm not talking bout strangers or acquaintances or friends or relatives.
