♠ The Happiness Question

"Are you happy?"

I constantly ask myself that question.

Almost on daily basis.

I'm a y-gen, and it's important for me to be mentally & spiritually happy.

I'm not currently glued to a thing which I cant start all over again. That doesnt mean I dont have commitments.

I justify to myself, I do things at my own standards and expectations.

I always revisit my previous decisions and asking myself, if I'd do things all over again, would I do them differently.

I've been lucky so far and my regrets are little.

I used to overthink, but that's coz I read too much magazines which tells me what to think. I've stopped and it's kinder to my soul, but I still flip thru em for the colors.

I've learnt to stop feeling guilty for not doing certain things; martyrdom is not my color.

There are ppl who dont conform to certain rules or behaviour, yet the world doesnt end. And ppl move on to the next gossip quick enough; there's always next gossips.

I prefer drama on my food, but I know it's necessary in life and relationships. I need to learn not to take it too seriously.

If I dont like certain ppl, I get out of their way. I dont make life hard for them coz not my style.

Life's rule is easy; there's a destination where everybody's going. The interpretations' different, the journey's windy and I just want to make sure when I reach there, I can look myself in the eye and ask myself; "Are you happy?"

♠ "Dont Change"

A phrase I used to hear. I dont hear it often nowadays.

Nowadays, I hear questions like "Why not.." and "Why do..".

From ppl I know almost my whole life.

I'd like to say that they dont understand me, but they've been there for most of my life.

I guess I dont understand why ppl cant accept.

Is acceptance hard? Why ask me to conform to their beliefs or ideas? Why ask me to fit into that lifestyle or decisions which is rightfully mine to make.

I dont ask ppl to change for me, I wish the same for them for me.

I'm trying not to appease ppl, just live my life the way I want coz when the goings get tough, there's nobody there looking at the hard roads ahead of me but myself.

For those ppl who love me and wants the best for me, pls stop asking me to get a boyfriend, get married, have babies, do things I dont want to do coz I need my own pace and justifications to do things without ppl rushing me.

I'll take up a boyfriend or lover at my own time, there's really no time limit or competition for this. I'll get married, or not. I'll have babies, a baby, adopt, or not. I dress up for myself coz it makes me feel nice based on my mood. I do it quite randomly, sometimes for no reason at all.

Seriously, I dont want your life; pls dont make me do things which you think is best for me coz I'm happy.

Maybe you dont believe it, but when I'm happy, I dont go grinning like a madwoman. You'll have to look closely enough, there's a slight upturn at the corner of my mouth which can occasionally be interpreted as a smirk.

Hmm, this reminds me of Mona Lisa portrait; I guess she doesnt have eyebrows coz those are expressive. Perhaps Leonardo was saving the eyebrows for last coz he wasnt sure where he was going then when it came to the finishing touches, he couldnt figure out what expression to give, so just left the picture as it is with the expression leaving questions for discussions.

Thanks for your understanding.

To Nat, pls stop raiding my clothes and dont use this against me as your justification for "nagging" at you coz being a slob is no excuse; be original, come up with your own justification.

Pls dont "borrow" and hang my expensive delicate clothes with your used clothes, the correct method for borrowing stuff is to return it back to it's own original state and position aka cleaned properly and hang in the cupboard.

Oh yea, I "borrowed" your favourite dress for a day; it should be nicely stretched by now; I hang it beside the "borrowed" dress. FYI.